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User talk:Jonathan DeLacuso
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User blog:Jonathan DeLacuso/The Shadow Walker page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Violation of these rules will result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out the Article Listing or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. Do not forget to add any story you create/upload to the Article Listing. If, after 30 minutes from adding a page, you neglect to put that page on the Article Listing, you will receive a 1 day block as stated in the rules. This is not the same as adding it to the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content; something that you wrote instead of found on the internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page as per the rules. If you mark a page as OC and do not add it to the User Submissions page, you will be warned first then blocked from editing for a day the next time it happens. The OC tag will also be removed. The same thing goes for putting a page on the Submissions and not tagging it as OC. This does not count as adding it to the Article Listing, though. This is an extra step for OC. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! LOLSKELETONS (talk) 19:04, June 23, 2013 (UTC) Blogicle It was noticed that you recently posted a story in the form of a blog post, or a forum post. Blogs and forums aren't the right place for this type of content. Next time, please contribute it as a page instead! To do so, click the button at the upper right corner of the page labeled Contribute and select " " from the dropdown menu. If you need any help with this, contact an . — LOLSKELETONS (talk • ) 19:28, June 23, 2013 (UTC) Hey Although you DID indeed fix up your pasta by removing that wall of text, next time please notify an admin or VCROC member to remove the Needs Editing tag for you. Only those two types of users may do that. Thanks. Max, I do this for a living! 14:12, June 24, 2013 (UTC) Blogicles II Once again you have posted an story in the form of a blog post or a forum post. Seeing how you should now know how to add a page to the Wiki, you have been penalized with a one day ban from editing. Next time you upload a Blogicle again, you'll be banned for a week.The triangle Read was born was actually three angelic death goddesses scissoring. (talk) 15:33, June 24, 2013 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:51, January 29, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story The story was deleted for not being up to quality standards. They were a lot of issues in your story here so forgive me if I overlook a few. Starting with the basics, this was how your entire story was formatted. If copy/pasting from another site, you should correct the layout before submitting as it can cause formatting issues. "But whose reflection did he see? The thing in the mirror wasn’t James, but it was something James knew perfectly well." Capitalization issues: Proper nouns like "Silent night”, "Frm that day, james swore", "her, james could feel that she was looking" should be capitalized. There are numerous instances where you forget to capitalize James' name. Punctuation issues: You need to use a comma, em dash, or colon before introducing dialogue. "They were all chanting(:)", "As he did so a voice whispered to him.(:)", "words(,) "I am sorry(,)"" etc. Punctuation is missing from the chants. "We know who you are(.)", "We know what you are trying to hide(.)", "And we cannot be fooled by your bland disguise(.)", "In the dark of the night(.)", "And in the light of the day(.)", "We are forever in control(.)", etc. Punctuation issues cont.: Commas missing from sentences where a pause is needed/implied. Quotation issues. "„(")We know who you are" Also since the dialogue is continued on another line, You should open each line with quotations or join the dialogue together. (")And in the light of the day (")We are forever in control {")The shadows of men(.") Wording: There are a lot of misspellings here. "his hand shook violantely (violently)", "the cancerous concotion (concoction) entered his lungs.", "He looked back at the mirror, but againnothing.", "counting ddown the mistakes he had made.", "Frtom the very second", "He sput his college", "forever extuinguishing the last glimmer of hope James had", "did everyything he could", "a locked door peeke (piqued) his curiosity.", etc. Wording issues cont.: You have a tendency to switch from past tense ("The last sound he heard before his death was the eerie music of “Silent night” being sung by the nearby carolers(period missing)") to present tense ("building(punctuation missing) Jack notices, just in the corner of his eye, a shadowy figure standing behind him. He turns around, but there is… nothing behind him.") randomly throughout the story. Redundancy issues. "The thing in the mirror wasn’t James, but it was something James knew perfectly well." You already established the person, restating his name multiple times becomes redundant. Words completely missing from sentences. "she said fearfully as James "Get away from me!"" Story issues: A lot of the dialogue feels awkward. "I will carve you up, you foul demon!", "Well no more will I be a slave to them!” You also need to space out dialogue so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. ""What's wrong honey?" she said fearfully as James "Get away from me!"" This is done to prevent misattribution and improve story flow. The ending also feels rushed and tacked on. Jack's introduction at the very end needs more fleshing out to make the curse seem more effective. These were a few of the issues I came across while glancing through it. Upon re-reading it, I'm noticing more of the issues I outlined above and some new ones. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:34, January 30, 2016 (UTC) :Here is a copy of your story. Remember that you need to have admin approval or go through the deletion appeal (link above). Reuploading it without either of those things will result in it being deleted as a reuploaded page. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:55, January 30, 2016 (UTC) ::You can use pastebin (link is in the message above) as a digital method of saving the file. You can also post it to the writer's workshop (Forum link above) as a means for getting feedback. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:14, January 30, 2016 (UTC) :::I would strongly suggest getting a second opinion on it before attempting an appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:44, January 31, 2016 (UTC) ::::No problem, a calculated and cautious approach is always best when making an appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:03, January 31, 2016 (UTC) =RE: Writer's Workshop Some advice I can give would be to be proactive. Look around on the writer's workshop for users who are doing reviews and finding 1 or 2 whose style is conducive to yours and message them with a link to your post, asking them to review. Please only message a few as too many could come off as spamming. I hope that helps. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:39, February 4, 2016 (UTC) RE: Might I inquire your reviewing help? Sure, I would love to! When I have the time, I will take a look at it. Vngel W (talk) 22:44, February 4, 2016 (UTC) If you'd like to know more about why your story was deleted feel free to drop me a message on my talk page ChristianWallis (talk) 09:25, February 16, 2017 (UTC)